Marriage License Boycott
Putting Our Faith Into Action
an article by Rev. Jen Crow from our church newsletter in March of 2007
Recently, in the special Social Justice edition of our newsletter, Kaaren and Scott and I let you know that we have decided to stop signing marriage licenses for heterosexual couples until same-sex couples can legally marry. Since we've gone public with our decision, we've received many thoughtful comments and responses and one thing has become clear - this issue arouses strong feelings on all sides. Choosing not to sign marriage licenses was a big decision for us and we'd like to share a bit more information about what the decision means, and how we came around to making it.
First and foremost it is important to know that we are all still performing religious marriage ceremonies. We believe that marriage is a sacred act of commitment and we welcome the opportunity to help all couples discern whether or not it is a good choice for them. Our availability to officiate at weddings and offer pre-marital counseling has not changed. What has changed is that we will no longer offer legal marriage ceremonies to some couples and not others. We will end our previous practice of discrimination (i.e. favoritism, inequity, or unfair treatment of one person or group, as Webster describes it), by offering the same services to all couples wishing to marry.
We realize that for those able and wishing to be legally married, this decision adds an extra step to the process. Opposite-sex couples who choose us to officiate at their religious marriage ceremony will also need to provide for a Justice of the Peace or other court officer to perform their legal marriage. This comes at a minimal cost. Given that same-sex couples cannot marry legally in the state of New York and must go to great lengths and expense to marry elsewhere with limited legal protections here, we do not believe that our decision places an unfair burden on opposite-sex couples who wish to legally marry.
In many countries around the world, a distinction exists between legal and religious marriage ceremonies. Religious organizations provide one kind of service (often seen as a sacrament or rite of passage) while the state provides another kind of service that confers the legal rights and responsibilities of marriage. In the United States, church and state have remained largely intertwined when it comes to marriage. Unitarian Universalists have long recognized the discomfort of this situation, and for over 30 years our ministers have performed religious marriage ceremonies for same-sex couples. Over the last 5 years nearly 50 of our ministers have made the decision to stop signing marriage licenses until all couples can legally marry - including Unitarian Universalist Association President Rev. Bill Sinkford.
As you probably know, in the state of New York, same-sex couples cannot legally marry. Legal marriage confers over 1400 rights in the eyes of the government - rights that include access to your partner in the hospital, decision-making capabilities for your family, and legal recourse in the event of divorce, just to name a few. We believe there is no good reason to exclude same-sex couples and their families from the legal rights and protections of marriage, and by refusing to sign marriage licenses we are refusing to act as agents of a discriminatory state.
These are a few of the facts. But the facts don't tell the whole story. The facts don't tell you what it is like for me to sign a license for someone else that I cannot receive myself. The facts don't tell you what it is like for so many lesbian and gay parents in our church and in our community to go through the process of legally adopting their own children simply because they cannot legally marry - a process complete with an invasive home study, letters of reference, a trip to court, and considerable expense.
As ministers we are committed to change, to raising awareness, and to equality and justice for all people. But while these are important commitments - we must admit that they are not the primary reasons for our decision. We stopped signing marriage licenses because we believed that doing so was diminishing us personally. We could no longer continue to do something that felt so wrong, so un-equal, so unfair. We could no longer act as agents of a discriminatory state without gradually eroding the voice of conscience and reason that arose in us each time we held the pen over the certificate.
We stopped signing marriage licenses because we are committed to living lives of integrity - spiritual lives that ask us to ever more align our actions with our deepest values. We believe that we are called to do the difficult work of putting our faith into action, even when it is unpopular or inconvenient to do so. And while we realize that not everyone will agree with our decision, we do hope that in sharing our choice with you that you, too, might be challenged to consider the many ways that your faith calls you to act.
Yours in faith,
Rev. Jen Crow
September 15 2008